NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
