You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
