ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Boobs are out for the taking
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
