Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
