i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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