i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
