benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love you.
Bad choice
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
