i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize