If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
