i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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