I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
