Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
