I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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