He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
