I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
