My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
