He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
