Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
MIDGETS
????
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
