how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
