He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
