Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
