I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
