Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
