i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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