So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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