Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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