If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
