Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
okay pat passed out under dana's car
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
