Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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