watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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