I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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