party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
