I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
