Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
