Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
