that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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