I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
