Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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