Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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