hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
