and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
