bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
