The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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