Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
