If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
