I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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