My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
