Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
