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Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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