i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
