So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
