Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
