and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
