soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
