Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
