So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
