You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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